Since the irony in last week’s blog seemed to be appreciated, I figured I’d do something similar today. This time it is an opinion written in the form of a children’s story. The reason I wrote it is because of the fact that currently America and Russia are once again supporting rival sides in a war, this time in Syria, with Russia supporting the government and America (and other Western countries) supporting the rebels. It is full of references to other wonderful historical events, though… So well… enjoy!
Once upon a time, in the 1950s, there were two little boys called Russia and America who found out that they didn’t like each other very much. Unfortunately, they had just gone through this big fight with another boy who lived in the neighbourhood, so rather than fighting for real, they had to use puppets.
The first puppets they bought belonged to two brothers called North Korea and South Korea, who both had loads of these things! As it happened, Russia couldn’t make it to this fight because his mummy had grounded him, so his friend China came to play instead. China decided to buy all of North’s puppets while America bought all of South’s puppets, after which they started their battle.
The battle was loads of fun and very effective. Lots of puppets died on both sides, and once China and America had had enough fun, they both decided to go home and leave the Korea brothers to themselves. Unfortunately, because of the fight the Korea brothers really started hating each other and things in the house got much worse, but how were America and China supposed to expect that?
Once Russia was no longer grounded, he and America decided that they could finally fight each other properly, although of course still using puppets. They got the next puppets from two other brothers, who also happened to be called North and South, only their surname was Vietnam. Just like the Korea brothers, they didn’t like each other very much, and soon America sided with the little brother called South while Russia sided with the big brother called North. Unfortunately, not much later Russia’s mummy told him that it was time for dinner, but again China was nice enough to fill in for him.
So while Russia was having dinner, China and America played with North and South’s puppets. The fight lasted a few years and many puppets died, but that didn’t matter, because they were just puppets. After a while, China started winning, but America didn’t want to go to bed yet so he kept playing, hoping not to alert his mummy that he was still up. They kept this up for a long time, killing many more puppets, but in the end America’s mummy forced him to go to bed, after which he retreated all his puppets and left the Vietnam brothers’ house.
This fight was also a huge success, because although the brother called North eventually won, he wasn’t able to defeat all his neighbours, while America had feared that he would. Because of this grand success, Russia and America just kept playing until eventually another boy called Cuba interfered, almost making Russia and America end up fighting each other without puppets. It didn’t happen in the end, however, and after one of the walls of Russia’s house collapsed, they had to stop playing for a while because mummy wanted him to repair the house.
Anyway, America became a little bored without Russia to play with, so he decided to do things on his own. He took his puppets to a poor boy named Iraq, where he played happily and killed many of Iraq’s puppets hoping to give him a better life. For some reason Iraq didn’t appreciate this, and rather than thanking America for killing his puppets and giving him a better life, he became really angry. But how was America supposed to expect that?
Not much later, a particularly annoying kid who lived one street behind America and who hated him very much decided to destroy the LEGO towers America had made. When that happened, America got so angry that he started a fight with the entire street this annoying kid lived in. He brought many of his own puppets and used them to kill as many of the puppets belonging to the children living in this street. America felt very good about this, because of course all these children deserved it!
Eventually, America changed his mind, and rather than just killing the puppets, he decided to help these children and to improve their street by giving them new houses. He went by Afghanistan and Iran and Egypt and many other children, giving them all a brand new house. But for some reason, these children weren’t happy with these gifts, and even when America killed many puppets, the children still preferred their own houses. The children even started fighting amongst each other! But how was America supposed to expect that?
America quickly went home again because he didn’t want to get involved in all that trouble anymore. He had learned his lesson and decided that these children were just too dumb to meddle with and that they should be left alone!
But then Russia came back from dinner and decided that he wanted to play again as well. So Russia started playing with a boy named Syria, giving his puppets lots of support and fighting against Syria’s little brother. America, sensing that he could have some more fun, decided to start supporting the little brother, and soon they started fighting with their puppets again! Many puppets died, but now the entire world could see how powerful America’s puppets were, which was great!
In the end, almost all of Syria’s puppets died and neither Russia nor America won. Syria and his brother couldn’t really agree with each other and it appeared that the Russians and the Americans had wasted their time. But how were Russia and America supposed to expect that?
And after that? Well… Russia and America still don’t like each other. At the same time, the brothers North and South Korea still hate each other, and North is currently shooting nuclear missiles into the ocean. South Vietnam has died while North Vietnam is deathly ill. Iraq’s house has been blown up, Egypt hasn’t gone to school in months, Afghanistan has had his leg blown off and Syria no longer knows who he is and spends every day at a psychiatrist. And all that just because Russia and America didn’t like each other. But well… how were they supposed to expect that?
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