Are your parents complaining that you spend too much time looking at a screen? Do your friends think that you should have better things to do than fangirling and spending time on Twitter or Tumblr? And do they think you should be watching your health more carefully? If any of those apply to your situation, then this is the guide for you!
But don’t be afraid! This is not one of those guides which expects you to put in enormous effort to become healthy! It is perfectly designed to coincide with a fangirl’s lifestyle, so you will only have to put in minimum effort while still adhering to all those requirements people expect you to fulfil. It will be the easiest thing you’ve ever done in just six steps!
Step 1: Most books will tell you that it is healthy to eat three pieces of fruit every day. Here is how to do that: if you live together with at least one person (mum, dad, roommate, boyfriend, girlfriend etc), tell them that you want to start improving your lifestyle and that you want to start eating fruit. Specifically: grapes (cherries, blueberries, strawberries etc are fine as well). Once that person has bought you the grapes, all you have to do is eat three a day, and you’ll have managed the first step!
Step 2: Exercise at least half an hour a day. The simplest way to do this is, if you have 3G, is to just go to the park for a couple of minutes while spending your time on the internet. There is, however, also a more leisurely way of achieving this. For example, if you’re sitting on a chair, you could put on some very loud music and, while doing other things, tap your feet to the rhythm. Similarly, if you want to spend the entire day in bed, you can just clench your butt-cheeks for a couple of minutes while looking at pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch. And remember: walking to the fridge counts as well, so you can reduce your exercise time accordingly!
Step 3: Now we’ve got the exercise under control, we need to make sure that we get enough energy to perform the exercise! To do that, typically, you will need about 2000 calories (2500 for men). It’s just an estimate and it differs from person to person, but we’ll just take the 2000 calories as an example.
Firstly, we need to take into account our healthy eating, because every textbook on being healthy will tell you to eat healthy things. We’ve already covered the 3 grapes a day (worth about 10,5 calories), and on top of that you will want to eat some vegetables and a bit of meat. I know, it’s difficult, but just let whoever you live with prepare the vegetables for dinner once in a while. That will probably add about 500 calories, assuming you don’t eat much of it.
That leaves us with 1489,5 calories still to go in one day. You can fill this in whatever way you prefer. For example, you could eat about 286 grams of chocolate (do weigh it carefully, you don’t want to end up eating too much!), 324 grams of the average chocolate chip cookies, 629 grams of commercially prepared apple pie, 317 grams of salted crisps and 458 grams of salted popcorn. Mixing and matching is fine, as long as you keep track of your percentages!
Step 4: Get enough sleep. It is healthy to get about 7 to 9 hours of sleep each day (10 to 11 for fangirls under 15), so therefore I’d recommend sleeping in until at least noon. That way, you can stay on the internet until about 3 AM and still get the required amount of sleep. If that is not possible due to work or school, it would probably be healthiest just to go there a little later. After all, you don’t want to be unhealthy, so your boss or teachers will just have to accept it!
Step 5: Psychological health is also very important, so make sure you socialise enough! Twitter and Tumblr are full of amazing people to talk to, and they give you a great opportunity to find new friends! I would recommend staying away from Facebook as that is usually full of people from school or work, but that depends on your own preference.
Step 6: Hygiene! Make sure you brush your teeth at least once a week in addition to eating plenty of anti-plaque chewing gum. And of course, if you actually find yourself touching another person, make sure you wash your hands!
If you adhere to all these six steps, you will be truly textbook healthy, which you can then share with everyone you meet! It also works very well when trying to convince people around you that you aren’t as unhealthy as they think you are, and all that with just minimal effort!
Don’t forget to press the like button and of course to share this with your friends, because surely they will be just as enthusiastic about this guide as you are! It truly is the easiest way to become textbook healthy, and in the end… who doesn’t want that?
D.A. Richards’ diet book is now available on Amazon for just £15,99. Get it while you still can!
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